density

My mum holds her position above my head all the time, she is always sure to remind us that there’s no love out there like a mother’s.

You will find people who love you, she predicts

but no one would love you as much as your parents do, she promises

And I’m not trying to debunk this theory

because

it is true.

There are very less amount of people out there who’d go beyond for you like your parents would.

Maybe this is why she wishes for her death before mine

What could be more selfish?

To wish for your death before or after someone else’s?

But I don’t see why she thinks it’s a race and she’s already won,

like a competition between the greater misery.

What sort of victory is in this battle?

No one would fight to be a winner

except her.

I don’t think she is saying she loves me more like a mother

I think she is telling me she loves me more as a brother than a brother would love me as a brother

She’s saying she loves me more as a friend than a friend would love me as a friend

She’s saying

She loves me better than anyone would ever love me,

maybe more than love loves itself.

But

I don’t get why we compare love

How could you stand to take the care a person gives to you and start calculating it?

Won’t miscalculating it hurt?

Blood is thicker than water she says but who decided density is the measurement love goes by?

I sometimes peek at my funeral and count the number of people who came by,

but I only see my mother standing there.